Past continuous...

I've always found it tough to deal with my past or with the pasts of "you-know-who"... Holding on to it. Forgetting it is the present that matters. And why crucify anybody for their past, can it be helped now... But somewhere down I've been so incapable of handling the whole notion of past... Sometimes continuing to believe that others would love to have had things to have worked out in a different way than what their present is... Even though I might have moved on.. Working out the different permutations and combinations, what if they'd had things going would she still find herself in the same place? And why on earth do I go digging old buried remains, reading rereading mails, blog posts, chats and the works and expecting I'd take it in my stride and not get affected... The past can never really be full of happy memories... and the worst of all I've in many ways become a self confessed masochist, otherwise why the hell can't I just let go of things... Let things be... why hold people responsible for their choices in the past, why work on the 'what ifs' when they are no where there... Hoping I'd grow beyond it all... pull the blinds on certain aspects of it all... And probably just grow up a lil...